Moment of Truth: The Kiss on Borleias
by Becca13691369
Summary: Jag needs to know how Jaina feels about him after saving his life on Borleias. He confronts her and they have their moment of truth. **New perspectives and "missing scenes" from New Jedi Order (Starting with Rebel Dream) following Jaina and Jag's relationship.**
1. Moment of Truth

**_Just a little something I wrote because I LOVE Jaina and Jag and this is by far one of the best scenes. Loved reimagining it from inside Jag's head!_**

**_Let me know if you like it or would be interested if I continued Could follow cannon or be AU- not sure yet._**

**_All things Star Wars belong to George Lucas. There is also some dialogue and text lifted directly from The New Jedi Order: Rebel Dream and all credit goes to Aaron Allston._**

* * *

Jag moved his Clawcraft towards the kill zone where he had been directed to land, at this point running on auto pilot. While his body went through the motions, his mind feverishly replayed the battle that had just occurred.

Jaina had risked everything to save him. Was it just her innate need to countermand authority- a trait she seemed to inherit from her rebellious father- or something more? Would she have done the same thing for Kyp? Or any other Twin Suns pilot? Was it just the desire to save anyone who flew with her?

His mind was working in overdrive, desperately trying to reason away her actions. There had to be a perfectly good explanation for why she had made that foolhardy rescue attempt.

As Jag reviewed every moment analytically, he tried to ignore the hope that it meant something more. That _he _meant something more.

He had thought that once, that maybe she felt something for him. That they could be good together. But he had been wrong. Accepted that and moved on. Their relationship was purely professional now and that was what she wanted. What they _both_ wanted, he corrected himself sternly.

She was a Jedi. A Goddess. He was an arrogant outsider, just another game piece to be moved on the table as needed. She had made that incredibly clear on numerous occasions while on Hapes.

Why would he think she could feel even a fraction of what he felt- _had once felt-_ for her. No, he was reading into things, trying to find answers he wanted where they didn't exist.

_I'm guessing that the only man Jaina would ever take seriously is one who can outfly her._

Kyp's words echoed in Jag's head, an effective argument against his previous logic. Kyp's words were clearly meant for him weren't they? After all he _was _one of the only men who could outfly her. That was fact not bravado.

And Kyp knew Jaina better than anyone- they did have that strange force connection. Which Jag tried not to think about too much.

So maybe. Maybe there was a chance.

Jag sighed. He couldn't take it. Couldn't take this uncertainty anymore. Not knowing was driving him insane.

He almost wished that he had never met her, could go back to his blissful state of ignorance where everything was ordered and made sense and he didn't have all these questions. Almost. But if there was a chance…

That was it. He would find out today. No more questions. He wanted- he _needed_\- to know how she felt.

Determined, he quickly ran through his cool down, pulled his helmet off and opened the hatch. Jag absentmindedly ran a hand through his short hair, and climbed out of his Clawcraft with a new sense of purpose.

Feet landing on the ground, he saw Jaina already standing in the docking bay next to a weary looking Kyp. She looked nervous, distraught even. Jag's pace quickened automatically, bringing him closer to the woman who held the answers to all his questions.

His pace faltered for a split second when he noticed the lone officer standing in wait, a few feet from Jaina and Kyp. Jag gritted his teeth in annoyance, knowing that the moment of reckoning would have to be put off.

_But only temporarily_, he promised himself.

Shutting down his emotions, his face became his usual mask of arrogant indifference as he walked briskly over to the group.

_Soon_, he reminded himself, as Tycho looked between the three pilots.

"Anyone hurt?" Tycho asked.

They all shook their heads, and Jag once again forced himself to remain calm despite the delays, resisting the unusual urge to tap his foot impatiently.

Kyp, though undamaged, leaned heavily against the wing of his snubfighter. As Tycho gave him a second look, Jag glanced over. It looked as if whatever Kyp had done to save Jag's life had done a number on him.

Jag felt momentarily ashamed. His thoughts had been so consumed by Jaina's actions, that he hadn't even considered Kyp's. He would thank him later, after everything was settled. Kyp, of all men alive, would understand, he reasoned.

"You, go lie down," Tycho ordered Kyp with barely disguised concern.

"Happy to," Kyp glanced at Jaina. "By your leave, Great One."

"Get some rest, Kyp."

Jag looked back at Jaina. It seemed like he couldn't stop looking at her. It was a wonder Tycho didn't notice and say something, he thought wryly.

She seemed different. Drained. Brittle. Jag wanted to reach out to her, help her carry the burden. Take her in his arms-

_Not yet, _he admonished himself, struggling to preserve his self control. _Soon._

"General Antilles wants to see you, now," Tycho was saying to Jaina.

"I expect so."

No. Jag felt panic rising. He needed to talk to her. Now. Today. He didn't know how much longer he could control his emotions. Hold this in.

"And me?" Jag asked, trying hard not to let any of his desperation leak into his voice.

If he went with them, he could find time. Find a minute. He had the alarming feeling that if he was separated from her he would never get to ask her. Her walls were down, this was his opportunity.

"Later," Tycho said. "Though he did want me to extend his congratulations for that shadow bomb tactic. Since kills can't be awarded to more than two people, he thinks the first interdictor should be awarded to you."

"I agree," Jaina said quickly. "I'll sign off on that."

"Me, too," Kyp said.

Jag barely registered the honor, and managed to nod appreciatively at Jaina and Kyp when they looked at him expectantly. Jag thought he saw Kyp's mouth turn up in a small smirk. He ignored it.

The three walked into the bionics building in silence, all seemingly occupied with their own thoughts. Kyp somehow managed not to stagger as he left them for his quarters.

If he questioned why Jag continued on with Jaina and Tycho after being told Wedge didn't need to see him until later, he didn't say anything. Maybe he knew. Jedi could read minds after all. Jag tried not to think about it.

_Not now. Focus._

Finally, they arrived at Wedge's office. Jag resisted the urge to look back at Jaina as Tycho left them to enter the inner office. Once he started, he wasn't sure he could stop. She drew him in and he was powerless. He idly wondered if it had something to do with the Force.

A minute later- thought it felt like an eternity to Jag- Tycho stuck his head out. "It'll be about five minutes."

"Understood," Jaina said.

When Tycho had withdrawn again into the inner office, leaving them with Wedge's protocol droid, Jag allowed himself to look over at Jaina once again.

"I need to talk to you. Privately," he said, working hard to keep his voice even, his manner controlled.

For a second Jag saw Jaina's face fill with dread, and he almost rethought his whole strategy.

_No. He had to know. Now or never._

"There's a little conference room down the corridor," Jaina answered, her voice emotionless.

"That'll do," Jag replied, somewhat distracted. Already working out what he was going to say. What he was going to ask.

Jag spent the short walk regrouping, reviewing his plan of attack. Approaching this the same way he would a dogfight was helping him keep his thoughts in line.

When they reached the conference room, the door was open and the interior was cool and dark. Jag quickly turned on the overhead lights, closed the door behind Jaina, and took those last precious seconds to psych himself up.

Taking a deep breath, he turned to face Jaina, rehearsing his first words in his head. He hesitated, trying to find the courage to start.

_No more stalling- just do it you fair-haired fool!_

"I know what you're going to say," she told him before he could begin his carefully composed speech.

Jag paused, caught off guard, all his carefully crafted words deserting him.

Did she know? _Could_ she know? Or was this just another one of the many misunderstandings that seemed to plague their entire relationship. Or whatever this was.

Jag paused, his determination from before a fleeting memory. He was back to being uncertain how to proceed with this maddening, irritating, confusing, beautiful woman.

"I don't think you do," he started slowly.

"You're going to tell me that I screwed up. You're going to elaborate until you're certain I can't take it anymore. Then you're going to leave," Jaina blurted out, before he had a chance to continue.

Jag noticed her last words sounded high and hoarse, as if she was losing control. Was she upset about the thought of him leaving? Or was it just the thought of him criticizing her, disparaging her irresponsibility and inability to follow orders.

It had been foolish, reckless beyond belief, and a clear violation of direct orders from a superior. But Jaina was smart, dedicated to winning this war that had taken so much from her. And despite her reputation, she didn't ignore commands unless she had a good reason to.

Apparently she considered his life a good reason.

"No," Jag started carefully, easing his way into the conversation. "We both know that your command decisions were far afield of common sense and effective strategy. We don't even have to discuss that. What I have to know…"

Jag paused and swallowed, steeling himself for the next words. _Now or never_.

"What I _have_ to know is this. Why did you do it?"

There. He had asked her. Now he would know. Know if it was all in his head, or if there really was something more between them. If she even _wanted_ something more. He felt a sense of relief, paradoxically mixed with anxiety, as he waited for her response. Her response that could- _would_\- change his life forever.

"I don't know," Jaina said quickly.

_She didn't know_?

That was unacceptable.

He needed to know. And now that the words were out- now that he was so close to that elusive knowledge…

She was the only one who could stop the thoughts constantly running through his head. Taking over his mind day and night. Thoughts of what could be. Thoughts of her. She was the only one who could help answer the endless questions. With _this_ answer.

One way or the other.

"You _do_ know," he answered, determined to get an answer. Praying she gave him the _right_ answer.

"You have to know. Nobody else but you _could_ know," Jag concluded as he recklessly leaned in closer.

He found himself captivated by her eyes, searching within their depths for the answer he wanted.

"Answer me," he pleaded, too invested in this moment to be embarrassed at the obvious need in his voice.

"I…I…Everyone is going away," Jaina answered, tears suddenly marring her expressive eyes. "They keep going away and I can't stop it. I didn't want you to go away."

Jaina- the strongest woman Jag had ever known- sounded like a lost and lonely child, and it did something to him.

As she started to cry in earnest, Jag felt a strong need to protect her, to comfort her. He knew then, he would give anything to stop her pain. Anything to bring the light back to those whiskey brown eyes.

Without thinking, Jag followed his heart, and took her by the shoulders, pulling her to him and drawing her head against his chest. As he rested his head atop hers, he worried she would pull away, like she had done so often in the past. Instead she practically collapsed against him, tears soaking into his uniform, and he pulled her closer.

He didn't think about the fact that his uniform would be less then perfect. All he could think about was how perfectly she fit against him. Like she was made for him.

"I won't go anywhere," he whispered with a tenderness he didn't even know he possessed. And maybe he hadn't until now.

"Why?"

"Why what?" Jag questioned.

Stalling.

"Why won't you go anywhere?" Jaina's voice came back muffled and low.

This was it. The moment of truth. The truth of why he had fought so hard to come back to the Known Regions. Why he had followed her from Hapes to Borleias, even after her many rebuffs. Why he had given up his own squadron to fly with Twin Suns.

"Because I don't want to," he answered simply.

Jag cautiously put a finger under her chin and gently lifted her face up to look at him. Jaina's eyes were wide in surprise and a small smile was beginning to form through her tears.

Emboldened, Jag leaned down, his mouth a whisper away from hers. His gaze dropped down, mesmerized as her tongue darted out to wet her full lips. He was unable to look away. Jag's hands moved down to Jaina's hips and squeezed them lightly, pulling her closer to him. He felt her lean in closer, her hands moving to his chest, bunching into his flight suit.

And his self control broke.

Jag leaned down the rest of the way and took her lips hungrily, his tongue demanding entry. And gloried in his victory, when she ceded without a fight.

He had never felt anything so wonderful before in his entire life. Not even flying his beloved Clawcraft through the stars compared to this. It was so much better than he had even imagined.

As he pulled her tiny form closer to him, reveling in the feel of her, the famously impassive Jagged Fel finally felt alive.


	2. Conference Room Confessional

_**So another chapter for this story because i was feeling inspired by my favorite Star Wars couple :). I actually have some more ideas for this story so maybe you will get some more quick updates ;)**_

_**Not quite AU but missing scenes if you will- for now. Might go off AU at some point but below fits in cannon of Rebel Stand Rebel Dream. **_

_**Now that these scenes are new (not existing in the books) you will get Jag and Jaina's POV! **_

_**Please review!**_

* * *

Jaina exited the briefing room and fought the urge to yawn. After early morning sims with Twin Suns, she had spent the rest of her day with Iella perfecting her Goddess strategy, and she was mentally and physically exhausted. But as soon as she stepped out of the conference room she was back to being Yun-Harla. And Goddesses- unlike mere mortals- did _not _get tired.

_From now on you're on stage every day. We're not just going to say you're a Goddess. We're going to treat you as though you are one, and you're going to act accordingly._

Jaina inwardly sighed, remembering Sharr's words when she had started this whole thing. Who knew that being a Goddess 24/7 could be so much work.

Suppressing her desire to stretch her arms, Jaina caught sight of a man leaning against the wall, eyes closed. A cruel smirk played across her lips. At least she wasn't the only one who had to suffer from the grueling schedule of Yun-Harla.

Yes, acting as her designated man servant was definitely suitable punishment for all the trouble Kyp had caused her in the past. She was suddenly glad Jag had suggested it.

As she was about to wake Kyp up from his little nap- in a manner befitting a trickster Goddess, of course- his green eyes suddenly shot open.

"Goddess," Kyp straightened, then bowed mockingly. "How may I serve you?"

Jaina rolled her eyes and was about to respond when she was distracted by a certain dark-haired pilot heading her way down the busy hall. Her heart skipped a beat when he looked at her, a small half smile on his face. One he seemed to reserve just for her.

Kyp snickered and Jaina shot him a dirty look, as Jag strode up to them. Jag dipped his head respectfully to Jaina and barely acknowledged Kyp's existence, to her immense satisfaction. Kyp limited himself to a raised eyebrow, and then leaned back against the wall to observe the two. Content-for the moment- to be a metaphorical fly on the wall.

While he didn't know exactly what was going on between the young pilots, his Force connection with Jaina-and the fact that he was obligated to spend every waking moment with her- gave him some idea. Certainly more so than anyone else on the base.

He went back and forth from being irrationally jealous of Jagged Fel to incredibly amused at his expense. Jaina Solo was quite a handful after all. Especially for a stiff, haughty young man raised by Imperial standards.

"A moment of your time, Great One?" Jag asked formally.

Jaina cocked her head and eyed him contemptuously, as if considering if he was worthy of her attention.

"A moment," she allowed then looked towards Kyp. "Wait here."

"I live to serve, Goddess," Kyp answered sardonically, making a show of getting more comfortable in his spot on the wall.

With that, Jaina allowed Jag to lead her down the hall to a little used conference room. He opened the door, gesturing grandly for her to enter before him. She marched arrogantly into the room and then waited for the door to close behind them.

As soon as she heard the click of the door, she spun around, wrapping her arms around Jag's neck, as he grabbed her by the waist and pulled her towards him in one swift motion. He leaned down to give her a hungry kiss, one which she eagerly returned, her tiredness from earlier forgotten.

"We have to stop meeting like this," Jag murmured against her lips, when they paused for air.

"Yes, I suppose empty conference rooms aren't the ideal location for romantic trysts," Jaina pulled back, answering with a wry smile. "But the life of a Goddess allows for precious little privacy."

"I suppose I will take what I can get, then. Especially if it means I can have you all to myself," Jag responded, kissing her again greedily.

Jaina allowed herself to be swept up in the moment, letting Jag's passion overwhelm her. Breaking away from her lips, he moved to place strategic open mouthed kisses along her neck, and Jaina moaned in pleasure. The sweet sound made Jag smile against her neck, feel a sudden rush of desire.

"All mine," he murmured, one hand unzipping her flight suit. Jaina shrugged out of it, giving his mouth access to her shoulder and smooth collarbone. Jag, couldn't get enough of the taste of her creamy skin. He placed gentle kisses across the swells of her breasts, Jaina's breath coming in short gasps of pleasure, encouraging him.

Then Jaina's comm beeped, bringing Jag back to the reality of the cramped little conference room, and he stepped back suddenly. Aware of how far gone he had just been.

He was not used to losing control like that, in any facet of his life. His more disciplined side was disappointed in how easily he got carried away.

Jag ran his hand through his hair and steadied himself, as Jaina growled into the comm.

"Not _now_, Kyp. Give me ten minutes."

"Sorry to interrupt, Goddess," Kyp chuckled. "I'm impressed Jag only needs ten minutes…to debrief you."

Jaina looked at her comm unit as if she wanted to murder it, and then flung it into the corner of the room, letting out a long suffering sigh. She closed her eyes and took some deep breaths- Jag assumed it was the Jedi breathing technique she talked about- and then turned back to him.

"Now where were we, flyboy," she murmured, looking up at Jag through her lashes.

"Heading into dangerous territory," Jag answered ruefully as he gently pulled up her flight suit and helped ease it back over her shoulders. "It's probably for the best Kyp interrupted when he did."

Jaina sighed and answered flippantly, "I guess you're right. I'm not sure I want to remember my first time in a dingy conference room. Like I said, not the most romantic place."

"Your first time?" Jag asked curiously. "So you have never…"

Jaina flushed red, cursing her unfortunate habit of speaking before thinking through her words.

_You are such an idiot, Jaina Solo. Now he'll think you are just a child, not worth his time. Might as well rip the bacta patch off now-_

Jaina looked at a point past Jag, not able to make eye contact. "No. I've never- never had sex with a man. I mean, I'm not completely inexperienced. I've been kissed before, and done some other stuff but-"

Jag smiled at her adorable rambling, and silenced her with a gentle kiss. "Jaina, it's ok. You don't have anything to be embarrassed about. At all. Forget I even said anything."

Jaina bit her lip and looked at him. "Thanks. But, I mean, now that we _are_ talking about it… have you.. you know…"

Jag arched his right eyebrow. "Have I ever had sex with a man? No. Nor have I done 'other stuff' so I believe you have me beat there."

Jaina stared at him.

"Wait. Did Jagged Fel just make a real live joke?" Jaina gasped theatrically. "I didn't even think you knew what that was."

"Don't tell anyone. Especially Kyp. It would ruin my reputation."

Jaina rolled her eyes, "But seriously. Have you had sex? In general, obviously."

"Yes," Jag answered simply, as he focused on zipping up her flight suit, carefully pulling her dark hair free, so it wouldn't get caught.

"Huh," Jaina murmured, momentarily distracted by Jag's actions and the feel of his hands in her hair. "I guess I just thought that the Chiss and humans weren't compatible in that way…"

"Well they are," Jag said as he stepped back. "But the Chiss only engage in relationships for the sole purpose of procreating after marriage. So it _is_ irrelevant to _this_ conversation."

"Then how-"

"There were other humans in Chiss space, you know. Men who followed my father when he went to serve the Empire's Hand. Brought their families with them," Jag answered slowly, starting to worry where this was all headed.

"I see," Jaina answered, faking a disinterest she didn't feel. Visions of beautiful, tall, Imperial women flashed through her mind. Women much more suitable than a scruffy rebel.

"Were there many, then?" she asked casually.

Jag shifted uncomfortably, "Not many, no."

"But more than one?"

"Well, yes," Jag admitted, trying to figure out how he got himself into this conversation to begin with.

"And were they very beautiful?" Jaina questioned with studied nonchalance.

Jag watched her carefully, as she occupied herself with examining her dirty nails. Suddenly he realized what was happening.

Jaina Solo- Trickster Goddess, Princess of the Jedi Order- was _jealous_.

"Of course," Jag answered easily, and smiled as Jaina's eyes shot up to glare at him in surprise. He leaned in closer to whisper in her ear, "But they couldn't hold a candle to a Goddess."

Jaina smiled reluctantly, realizing she was being teased. She was about to respond in kind, when her comm went off again.

"For kriff's sake, Kyp!" she exclaimed as she floated the forgotten comm unit over from the corner of the room.

"It's been ten minutes… and counting," Kyp said in a sing-song voice.

Jag grabbed the comm and cooly answered for Jaina, "She is heading out now, Master Durron."

"Ah, thanks for taking such _good_ care of the Goddess, Jag. See you kids soon!" Kyp answered, obviously enjoying himself.

At least someone found his numerous innuendos amusing.

Jaina huffed in annoyance like an angry tusk-cat, causing Jag to smile. Before she could rebuke him, he gently kissed her on the lips. With his hand resting on her lower back, he guided her towards the door.

"Go. Set your wrath on Kyp. He deserves it, not me," Jag said lightly. "I will try and find you later."

Jaina sighed and gave Jag one last lingering kiss before straightening her shoulders. She threw the door open with the Force, and strode out the door like the Goddess she was.

Jag laughed quietly to himself as he heard Jaina's imperious voice bringing Kyp to task. Then shutting off the lights, he followed her back into the busy hall.


	3. Don't You Want Me

**_And another update... told you it would be quick! Please review!_**

* * *

The hangar was bustling. Ships returned from routine scouting shifts as the weary pilots were replaced with those fresh from a quick nap and a hot meal.

Twin Suns was off rotation, and after a short morning sim session, were given the rest of the day to do as they pleased. Jaina had hoped that meant some stolen moments with Jag, but instead found herself alone, tinkering with her ship to keep away boredom.

Or nearly alone, she thought with a sigh. Kyp sat a few feet away from her, and looked to be deep in meditation as he guarded the Goddess.

Jaina looked down the the line of clawcrafts that had just arrived in the dock next to her, subtly following the path of Vanguard Lead as he jumped down effortlessly to the ground.

Not a hair was out of place, Jaina noticed, as usual.

She watched appreciatively as Jagged Fel strode through the throngs of gathered pilots with his usual effortless arrogance. She felt her heart race as he got closer.

One week.

It had been one week since they had been alone, and he had barely acknowledged her since then.

Jaina straightened, moving to the edge of the bay where he couldn't help but see her as he passed. She felt a pang of disappointment as his penetrating green gaze swept by her and turned quickly to the pilot walking next to him.

Huffing in annoyance, Jaina retreated back to the spot behind her ship. She kicked a hydro-spanner she had tossed on the floor earlier, attempting to vent her frustration.

Jaina felt a wave of humor from Kyp in the Force, and turned to glare at him. He still sat in a meditative pose with his eyes closed, but there was a small smirk on his face.

Feeling Jaina's scowl growing, Kyp opened one eye to look at her, and then winked cheekily.

"You seem…frustrated, Goddess," Kyp said innocently. "I was under the impression young Colonel Fel had been enlisted to help in that area, but if he is not up to the task… well, I am happy to assist."

Kyp was pretty sure Jaina would never realize he was only _half_ kidding. Honestly, she was completely oblivious to how desirable she was. And for the life of him he couldn't understand why. Kyp did a pretty good job of hiding his own feelings, despite the jokes and innuendoes, but some of the other pilots were hardly discreet.

Expecting a sassy retort from Jaina, he looked up in surprise when his last comment was met with silence. Kyp was shocked to see Jaina's face flush bright red, as a wave of embarrassment poured into the Force.

Puzzled- he had made _much_ worse jabs without her getting even the tiniest bit flustered- he reached out through their Force connection, and suddenly understood. And felt incredibly uncomfortable.

"Oh. I didn't realize- I mean I just assumed…"

"Get out of my head, Kyp," Jaina snapped.

"Sorry," Kyp apologized quickly.

The slience stretched out awkwardly between them. Then Kyp let out a low whistle.

"Fel's willpower is even more impressive than I thought."

Jaina bit her lip and looked down.

_What if... what if it wasn't willpower at all? _

During their many recent rendezvous, Jag had not once made an attempt to take their relationship beyond kissing. He had even shut _that_ down quickly if it became too heated. He kept himself at arm's length- even when they were in private.

Kyp took one look at her face and rolled his eyes. "Ok, stop. I know what you're thinking and trust me, he wants you. He would have to _actually _be a blue-blooded Chiss not to. Don't read so much into it."

Kyp didn't really know why he was defending her relationship with Jag. All he knew was he could not stand seeing Jaina look so vulnerable- even if it meant pushing her into another man's arms.

And he was pretty sure that Jag more than wanted Jaina- that the Corellian pilot had already been half in love with her before they started…whatever it was they were doing.

Jaina gave him a skeptical look, and Kyp sighed, realizing nothing he said was going to convince her.

"Listen, maybe the two of you just need to relax, blow off some steam. I got invited to drinks with some of the pilots from the Dozen. We should go. Invite Fel."

"Jag won't be able to come. I heard Wedge telling Tycho about a briefing with the Chiss delegation and I'm sure he'll want Jag there," Jaina sighed. "But you're right- I could use a bit of a distraction. We'll stop by for a drink or two."

Kyp smiled, "As you command, Oh Great One."

Jaina just rolled her eyes. Sometimes she hated being a Goddess.

* * *

Somehow a drink or two had turned into- well much more than a drink or two. Jaina couldn't really remember. It was a bit fuzzy after the sixth shot they threw back.

Jaina placed her hand against the wall to steady herself, slowly making her way down the hall to her destination.

She had managed to slip her bodyguard, mostly due to a pretty blonde pilot that had manipulated Kyp's attention all night, acting unwittingly as her accomplice. And now, buoyed up with liquid courage to spare, she was determined to see Jag and find out where they stood.

If he still wanted her.

She eventually made it to his door- _well she hoped it was his door otherwise this would be extremely awkward_\- and knocked loudly.

When the door didn't open immediately she went to knock again. As her hand reached the door, it flew open revealing Jag- hair mussed, dressed only in soft, off-duty pilot pants.

"Jaina?" He questioned in a hoarse voice, rubbing sleep from his eyes.

"Exactly." Jaina answered slowly, trying not to slur her words. It wasn't really working. "The Goddess is out right now and you just have Jaina Solo. Just Jaina Solo- hanging solo."

Jaina giggled at her own-admittedly terrible- joke, and Jag raised an eyebrow at her.

"You're drunk."

"Has anyone ever told you how _very, very,_ smart you are, Colonel Fel?" Jaina responded, staggering a little closer.

Jag grabbed her by the arm to steady her as she lost her footing.

"Where were you? How did you get here?" Jag questioned in concern, looking behind her. "And where's Kyp?"

Jaina shifted to lean in closer, brushing her lips against the shell of his ear. "I don't want to talk about Kyp right now. In fact, I don't really want to talk at all."

Then she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him down to brush his mouth with hers with surprising agility. Jag reacted automatically, his hands going to her tiny waist as he kissed her back.

However, he was only momentarily caught off guard and quickly pulled away, holding her wrists lightly to push her back.

"What are you doing?" Jaina asked, slurring slightly.

"Keeping you out of trouble. You know as the Goddess you can't-"

"Already told you," Jaina mumbled in annoyance, trying to reach back out to him. "The Goddess isn't here right now…"

"Jaina. We're in the middle of the hallway, anyone could walk by-"

Jaina smiled, leaning against the doorway. "So why don't you be a gentleman and invite me in."

Jag ran a hand through his hair, visibly flustered. He quickly checked the empty hallway. Sighing, he pulled Jaina into his room, shutting the door behind her. Jag left her at the door and immediately headed towards his bunk to grab his comm.

"I'm calling Kyp. He _knows_ he's not supposed to leave you alone, especially like _this_, when the Vong could have spies anywhere. If something happened-" he broke off as he turned back to Jaina.

And suddenly she was right there, impossibly close. Jaina reached out and gave him a Force augmented push. The back of his knees hit the edge of his bunk and he fell back on the bed. He quickly regained his balance, sitting up straight as Jaina climbed on top of him, straddling his lap.

When she pressed her lips to his, Jag closed his eyes, struggling to resist the taste of her. The feel of her. As her kisses became more heated, more insistent, he lost the fight and succumbed to her demands.

Succumbed to his own overwhelming need.

One hand held Jaina steady at her waist, while the other moved of its own accord through her silky dark hair. Jaina moaned into his mouth, and Jag gave in to the desire, hand tightening in her hair, letting the kiss deepen.

Jaina met his passion eagerly, pushing herself closer to him. Wanting to be even closer. She reached down and tried to push her hands down the front of his pants.

After a few seconds of her unsuccessful fumbling, Jag grabbed her wrists. When he pulled back from her, the sudden space between them made her feel empty.

"Jaina, stop," he pleaded, his breath ragged.

"Why," Jaina pouted, leaning towards him.

She started placing small kisses on his neck, seductively slow. Jag shivered and let out a low groan. He pushed her off his lap easily so she was standing in front of him, no longer so irresistibly accessible.

"Because _you_ are drunk," he said, answering her earlier question.

Jaina suddenly stumbled, and would have fallen if not for Jag's quick reflexes.

"Very drunk," Jag corrected as he stood to steady her. "And that's not the way I want it to be. Not for you."

Jaina ripped away from his grasp angrily. "Or maybe you just don't want me at all."

Jag ran his hand through his hair in frustration. "That's ridiculous-"

She turned to him with a sultry smile, all traces of anger gone, and rubbed one hand slowly down his chest.

"Prove it, flyboy."

Jag sighed and grabbed her wrist to stop her once again.

"Jaina, let me call Kyp. You need to go to bed, get some sleep. We'll talk tomorrow, I promise."

Jaina's hand suddenly went limp in his grasp, and Jag's heart dropped at the desolate look on her face.

He had seen that look before- in the conference room when she had finally broken down after saving him on Borleias.

He moved towards her, but Jaina pulled from his hold once more and spun around.

"Don't bother calling, Kyp. I can leave on my own, can tell when I'm not wanted," she said, voice thick with emotion.

"Jaina, wait-" Jag called, desperately trying to regain control of the situation.

Jaina turned back with a cold look, "Don't worry. There's no-one out there. Jedi senses, remember? Nobody to whisper about the great Colonel Fel consorting with a lowly rebel."

Before Jag could respond, she had already slammed the door and was storming down the hallway. Jag closed his eyes and leaned the back of his head against the wall, clenching his fists.

He took a deep breath.

Opening his eyes, he looked down at his white knuckles. Breathing out slowly, he released his fists and stretched his fingers.

Then, once his emotions were relatively in check, he stiffly grabbed his comm to call Kyp.

* * *

**_I have one more chapter mapped out in my head. Jealous Jag anyone? Jaina really is so unfair to poor Jag :) _**

**_Please review, like, favorite, etc. so I know if I should continue!_**


	4. Hangovers & Heartaches

Jaina opened one eye and instantly regretted it. A small ray of light filtered in from the window, and it felt like someone was stabbing her in the eye with a lightsaber, sending an aching drumbeat through her skull. She tried to swallow, but her mouth felt dry and sticky with thick saliva. Her throat felt like sandpaper.

Jaina made an attempt to center herself and dull the pain, but the constant throbbing was too distracting. She really should spend more time practicing healing trances, she thought glumly. Or refrain from having mornings like these.

Jaina groaned and pushed herself into a sitting position, as the drumbeat grew louder and more insistent. It took her a minute to realize the noise wasn't just in her head, but coming from her door.

"Go away," Jaina moaned, the exertion making her feel like her brain would explode. She flopped back down into her bed, closing her eyes. She was pretty sure the Vong's Embrace of Pain had nothing on her current hangover.

After a few minutes passed- minutes of blessed silence- Jaina congratulated herself for getting rid of her unwanted guest. Then she heard the door open. She really should have known better. Kyp had never been good at taking hints. Or direct orders.

Jaina decided to ignore him, not having the energy to argue about his blatant disregard for her privacy. Especially when he pressed a cold glass of water into her hand, laughing quietly. Jaina opened one eye at him, sitting up to guzzle the cool refreshing water, before falling back into bed with a sigh.

"Looks like someone had a little too much to drink last night," Kyp said, teasingly.

"And who's fault is that," Jaina grumbled back.

Kyp held up his hands up in a gesture of innocence, "Hey, I tried to get you to stop after the first three shots, but it's no easy task reining in a Goddess."

Jaina sighed, "Ugh, I don't even remember. It's all a blur- and it hurts too much to think right now."

Kyp raised an eyebrow, and asked tentatively, "So… I'm guessing you don't remember the little visit you made when you got back to base, then?"

Jaina leaned up to take another long gulp of water, then cocked her head at Kyp in confusion.

"What do you mean that _I _made? Weren't you with me all night?"

"I was_\- _at least until you gave me the slip. I wasn't sure where you went, until Jag commed me-"

Jaina sat up straight, trying to shake the cobwebs from her head.

_Jag? She had seen Jag? What had happened last night?_

And suddenly flashes of memories from last night started assaulting her mind. Going to Jag's room. Trying to seduce him. Him pushing her away. Repeatedly.

_Had he told her he didn't want her? _

She couldn't really remember it was all still too hazy. But she _did_ remember angrily stomping out of his room. Even vaguely remembered Kyp finding her in an empty hallway when she inevitably got lost; helping her get back here and into bed.

And even though she didn't remember all the details, it _was_ clear that she had thoroughly humiliated herself.

"Jag commed you last night? What did he say?" she asked weakly.

"He was his usual chatty self- so not much, "Kyp shrugged. "I don't know what happened, but you definitely got under his skin. He seemed- well slightly less in control than he usually is, I guess."

Jaina groaned, hiding her face in her hands. "Kyp, I think I screwed everything up. He's never gonna want to see me again."

Kyp sat down next to Jaina, putting a comforting hand on her back. He made soothing circles, as he worked to take away her physical discomfort with the Force.

That part was easy. But there was no Force technique he knew of that could get rid of the overwhelming anxiety she was radiating. At least not one that would work on someone as stubborn as Jaina Solo.

"I don't know, Jaina. He didn't seem mad- just really worried."

"Of course," Jaina mumbled. "Even if he doesn't want me, I'm sure he doesn't want me to end up dead in a ditch somewhere."

Kyp sighed, "He wanted me to tell him when you woke up. Said he needed to talk to you. Why don't I call him-"

Jaina sat up straight, eyes wide in panic. "No, absolutely not. Kyp, promise me you won't comm him."

She knew why Jag wanted to talk to her.

He would explain, calmly and rationally, how they could never work together. She was too much of a child. She didn't follow proper behavior, and a man like him could never be with someone like her. No hard feelings, back to being acquaintances.

She didn't think she could handle that conversation.

Kyp sighed again, then nodded reluctantly. Jaina closed her eyes in relief.

"Fine. But you are going to have to talk to him eventually," he started sternly, then found himself caving at the desolate expression on her face, "For now, let's just go down to the mess and get some food to soak up all that alcohol, hmm?"

Jaina nodded obediently, glad to have the moment of reckoning pushed back a little further. She winced as the vigorous movement caused a stab in the back of her aching skull. Kyp chuckled.

"But first, a quick healing trance. I'm pretty sure Goddesses don't get hangovers and we need to keep up appearances. Otherwise Wedge will kill us both."

* * *

Jaina finished a round-kick that knocked the first training droid flat on his back, then turned with a stroke that would have split the second droid in half, if she hadn't shut off her lightsaber at the last second.

"Interested in a more challenging sparring partner?" a female voice called teasingly.

Holding her pose for a beat, Jaina stepped back and attached her saber to her belt as she blew a stray pieces of hair out of her face.

Finally she turned around, to come face to face with the mischievous smirk of Alema Rar.

Jaina studied her carefully before she responded. She had never really spent much time with her, the Twi'lek had always been closer to Anakin. But Alema had been with them on the Mission to Myrkr. Flew now with Twin Suns. And Jaina found herself admiring the confident, outspoken young Jedi.

"Sure," Jaina answered gesturing for Alema to approach, before dropping into fighting stance.

Alema assumed position, and her eyes widened in a moment of surprise as Jaina immediately started a vicious attack. Spinning around her, looking for weak points. Alema quickly recovered her signature nonchalance, her eyes narrowing in concentration.

"Wow, someone's got some serious aggression to work out," she observed innocently.

Jaina said nothing and continued to bait Alema, making a quick jab at her right side.

Alema blocked it and spun, smiling dangerously, "Let me guess? Boy problems?"

Jaina paused, and then backed up into a defensive pose, eyeing Alema warily. Alema's smile widened.

"Well, I guess even Jedi royalty aren't immune to matters of the heart," Alema said flippantly.

When Jaina just gritted her teeth in answer, Alema continued impatiently, "Kidding. So sensitive. Seriously though, tell me everything. Who knows, I might even be able to help."

Jaina scoffed, "Why would I tell you anything? We're not exactly friends, you know."

"True," Alema acknowledged. "But do you really have anyone else here you can talk to? I mean who are you going to go to? Master Durron?"

Jaina considered what Alema said, and figured she had a point. She needed to talk to _someone _about it. And Alema might actually give good advice- she seemed to be _very_ knowledgable when it came to the opposite sex.

"Unless this is _about_ Master Durron?" Alema asked with a raised eyebrow, as Jaina stayed silent.

"No! Of course not. Why would you even think that?!"

"Please! Don't tell me you haven't noticed the way he looks at you. I mean he _is _kind of old, but definitely still easy on the eyes. And there is that whole bad boy thing he's got going-"

"Okay," Jaina laughed. "Please stop. It's not about Kyp. Although, I'll put in a good word for you since you seem so interested."

"Hmm. Zekk, then?"

"No," Jaina answered in exasperation. She was starting to get a little annoyed with this guessing game. "Zekk and I are just friends. That's it."

"Again, I would question if _Zekk_ knows that, but I digress. So… if it's neither of them, it must be the intriguingly aloof Colonel Fel," Alema continued thoughtfully.

Jaina paused and dropped her stance completely to stare at the Twi'lek. Alema did the same, crossing her arms and smiling smugly.

"Okay," Jaina said slowly. "I'm actually a little bit scared that you seem to know so much about my love life. Are you stalking me?"

"I'm just _very_ observant," Alema answered breezily. "So- lay it on me. What's the problem with tall, dark and clawcrafty?"

Jaina considered Alema for a moment. Admitting what was going on with Jag was basically the equivalent of admitting her Goddess act was just that- an act. And Iella had ben adamant that could _not_ happen- they had no idea who was secretly a Vong informant.

But it was highly unlikely that Alema was a Vong spy. She hated the Vong more than anyone. And Jaina didn't have to worry about anyone listening in on their conversation. She and Alema were definitely alone- she had scanned the training room for bugs when she first got here. It had become a bit of a habit.

Weighing her options, Jaina decided it wouldn't be _too_ risky. And Alema was right. Her only confidant right now was Kyp, and he had been less than helpful.

"Alema, you cannot tell anyone about this, got it?" Jaina said sternly, making her decision.

"Oooh, secret romance. This gets better and better," Alema answered, eyes gleaming.

"Well Goddesses don't exactly date mere pilots," Jaina answered wryly. "Seriously, this cannot get out."

"Well, it sounds like I already lost my chance in the pool, so you have my word," Alema zipped her lips theatrically. "Nothing leaves this room."

"Pool?"

"Yeah, the Rogues have a pool going- you know betting on when you and Jag are going to hook up. You didn't know?" Alema was momentarily distracted. "I wonder who would have won."

Jaina paused_, _then shook her head. She would unpack all the implications of her former squadron gambling on her romantic life later.

"Okay. Well, so Jag and I were kind of- seeing each other- for a little bit. But-"

"Wait, let me guess. He wanted you to do something really dirty and you freaked out? Those upright, Imperial types are always into some kinky stuff," Alema mused with relish.

"What?" Jaina stammered uncomfortably. "No- No, that's not it at all. The problem is- well every time we went further than just- you know kissing- he's stopped it. Like he's not interested? I think maybe- maybe he doesn't want me…"

Jaina looked down in embarrassment as her voice trailed off, wondering why she had thought to confide in Alema in the first place. It was just one more person who knew that she wasn't good enough for Jagged Fel.

"Oh, I see," Alema responded thoughtfully, then continued. "Well, that's easy enough to solve then. You just have to _make _him want you. Show him what he's missing."

Jaina rolled her eyes. "Right, so any suggestions on how I do that?"

Alema's head tilted for a minute, before she smiled in satisfaction. "Actually, yes. The Rogues are throwing a party tonight, some sort of last hoorah before we take on the Vong. Everyone's going to be there- General Antilles pretty much gave all the squadrons the night off. It's the perfect opportunity."

"Ok… reading your tracking data but still don't have a lock on your target."

"_You_ are going to use the party to show Jagged Fel what he's missing. First, we dress you in something hot. So that he can't help but notice you."

Alema looked at Jaina's simple pilot suit with a critical eye, making Jaina squirm uneasily.

"I'm sure I have something you can borrow. Second," Alema continued, "you are going to completely ignore him. Give him the cold shoulder. Total Goddess treatment. And third- and this is the most important part- you are going to blatantly flirt with other men right in front of him."

Jaina looked unsure, "I don't know…"

Alema continued as if Jaina hadn't interrupted.

"Zekk and Kyp would probably be the best candidates. You're comfortable around them so it will come off as more credible. And we don't have to worry about _their _reaction. I'm sure it will be more than believable," she added with an evil smirk.

Jaina shot her a glare, and Alema just shrugged.

"Jag's probably heard about your history with Zekk and he must be at least a _little bit_ threatened by your Force connection with Kyp. Plus, it doesn't hurt that they are both dashing, dark-haired pilots with green eyes," Alema paused to eye Jaina knowingly. "You clearly have a type, by the way."

Jaina ignored her last comment. "Are you sure this will work? I mean Jag's so- Jag."

Alema rolled her eyes. "Trust me, Jaina. Jealousy is a very powerful emotion. And no man- not even Jagged Fel- is immune to it. You _do_ want to make him want you, right?"

'Yes," Jaina answered quickly. "I just- I don't know, this isn't really my style? I don't really know what I'm doing- or if I can even pull something like this off if I try."

"Do or do not, my young apprentice, there is no try," Alema said in a mockingly righteous tone. Then she giggled. "Besides, that's why you have me. I will walk you through it, every step of the way."

Alema grabbed Jaina's arm and started leading her to the door.

"First stop- a quick shopping trip to my closet!" Alema smiled excitedly. "This is going to be so much fun!"

* * *

_**So it might be OOC to have Jaina talk to Alema Rar about her love problems but i needed her to take bad advice from someone- and Alema Rar seemed like the right girl for the job! Also I kind of really like her and feel like she was under utilized in the books so here you go.**_

_**Also I know I promised jealous Jag and he wasn't in this chapter at all... but i promise it is coming :)**_

_**Read, Follow, Favorite, Review- Thank you!**_


	5. Even Jag Fel Gets Jealous

**And the moment we have been waiting for- the emotionless Jag Fel starts to lose his cool. Poor Jag- he just can't catch a break. ****I love the idea of Jag feeling out of control for maybe the first time ever- and all because of Jaina Solo. **

**I had to break this up into two chapters because it got SUPER long but second part of the evening coming soon! Please review and let me know if you are enjoying reading this as much as I am enjoying writing it :)**

* * *

Kyp tried hard not to be amused by the obvious agitation of the man in front of him. He honestly did. But he couldn't help a small smirk at seeing Jagged Fel so on edge, his carefully composed mask starting to show cracks. It was a rare occurrence after all.

Jag, on the other hand, had a hard time finding any humor in the situation. At all.

Unable to sleep, he had woken up early and ran some sims to distract himself, assuming Jaina would have a late morning after last night. Hours later, Kyp still hadn't commed him and failed to answer when Jag had given in and called the man himself. Unwilling to sit around and wait any longer, Jag decided to go look for them, confident he could track Jaina down.

That had been a dismal failure, and Jag's patience was running very thin after spending the entire day playing "Where's Jaina Solo_". _At this point, Jag was positive Jaina was purposely avoiding him, which only added to his anxiety. And Kyp, standing there with that irritating smirk on his face, was not helping any.

"I told you to comm me when she woke up," Jag said accusingly.

"You did," Kyp agreed.

"And why didn't you? Or answer when I commed you?" Jag asked, through gritted teeth.

Kyp shrugged, "She told me not to."

Jag sighed, and ran his hand through his hair in irritation.

"Kyp, I _need_ to talk to her."

"I don't know what to tell you, Fel."

Jag glared at Kyp, realizing the older man was enjoying this. He suddenly had the uneasy feeling that Kyp was just waiting in the wings. Waiting for Jag to screw up so he could swoop in for the prize.

_He's probably thrilled I've given him this golden opportunity._

And then Kyp surprised him by offering a sliver of hope.

"Although I do have it on good authority that the Goddess will be making an appearance at the Rogue party tonight. I know you are not normally one for such festivities-"

Jag nodded curtly, "I'll see you there."

"Good, first drink's on me," Kyp said smiling easily, then turned to walk away. "You look like you could use one."

* * *

Jaina tugged uncomfortably at the red crop top that showed more than a generous amount of her cleavage, as she studied her reflection in the full-length mirror. She soon realized that her efforts weren't solving _anything _since the midriff baring shirt seemed to have only enough fabric to cover the essentials. Between that and the _very_ short leather mini skirt Alema had ordered her to wear, she felt incredibly exposed.

Although she did like the three inch boost the thigh-high boots gave her. This might actually be the first time she wouldn't be the shortest adult in the room.

Jaina bit her lip and glanced at Alema, who was smiling in satisfaction at her handiwork.

"I don't know. Are you sure that this looks ok?" she asked uncertainly.

Alema raised an eyebrow and was about to respond when she was interrupted by a knock at the door. Alema gestured casualy with her hand to open it, and Kyp strode in.

"Goddess escort here, as requested," Kyp announced grandly. "Are you almost- _wow_."

Kyp's eyes widened as he finally looked over at Jaina, unable tear his gaze away from her tantalizing curves. Which were, for once, on full display. Those pilot suits and Jedi robes had certainly been hiding a lot.

Alema smiled smugly, and looked back at Jaina. "Oh, I would say it looks more than _ok._"

Jaina rolled her eyes. She tugged the skirt one last time as she glanced in the mirror and sighed. "Alright, let's get this over with."

As she reached the doorway, she turned back to look at Alema and Kyp. Kyp was still staring, and had yet to move while Alema just watched him with a huge grin.

"Are you two coming or what?" Jaina asked impatiently, and then strode out the door.

Alema and Kyp exchanged a glance, then quickly moved to follow her.

Kyp suddenly smiled mischievously, "I wonder what Jag will think of the new look. It should be an entertaining evening."

"Oh, you have no idea, Master Durron," Alema answered cryptically, letting out a small laugh.

* * *

The party was in full swing by the time Jag arrived, a crowd of boisterous pilots surrounding the fully stocked bar while another group was in the corner, involved in a noisy game of Sabbac. There was even a makeshift dance floor where quite a few beings were letting loose, as the Defenders of Borleias made the most of their rare night off.

Jag immediately spotted Kyp watching the Sabbac game with two female pilots, occasionally yelling words of encouragement to the different players. Jag made his way over to Kyp quickly, determined to waste no time tracking down Jaina.

As Jag approached, Kyp turned with a ready smile and patted him on the back in a friendly greeting.

"Jag, good to see you. Glad you made it," Kyp turned to the two women he was standing with. "Ladies, have you had the pleasure of meeting the infamous Colonel Fel?"

Jag nodded politely as Kyp made quick introductions, barely registering their names. The only woman he was interested in talking to was Jaina. Kyp noticed his barely concealed impatience with amusement, and decided to take pity on him.

"So I am assuming you're here to collect on that drink, Fel. I'm a man of my word. And you're in luck- Wedge had them break out the good stuff tonight."

Promising the women he would find them later on the dance floor, Kyp headed towards the bar, Jag following close behind him.

"Where's Jaina?" Jag asked in a low voice. "You said she would be here."

"Oh, she is," Kyp answered with a smile. Trust me, you can't miss her. But first that drink."

"I don't care about the kriffing drink, Kyp. I-"

And then he caught a glimpse of Jaina's face. She was standing by the middle of the bar, whispering with the Twi'lek Jedi that sometimes flew with Twin Suns. The crowd around her moved, and Jag's breath caught in his throat as he finally had an unimpeded view. He felt a hot wave of desire course through him as his gaze swept over her.

Without warning, she looked over at him and Jag was unable to look away, drowning in her whiskey brown gaze. She broke eye contact hastily and returned her focus to Alema, releasing Jag from her hold on him.

"Speak of the Sith…" Kyp said, and Jag's head snapped back to look at him.

"Well, now I know what you meant when you said I couldn't miss her," Jag said wryly.

"Yes, she caused quite a stir when she first got here," Kyp answered laconically. "So, how about that drink, Colonel?"

* * *

Alema smacked her lips as she slammed the empty shot glass down on the bar. She turned to Jaina with an entreating smile.

"Are you sure you won't do just _one_ shot with me?"

"Sorry, I'm still drying out from last night." Jaina smiled self-deprecatingly. "Besides, I am not sure I'll be able to walk in these shoes without full command of my mental faculties."

"Fine, be a killjoy. I guess I'll just have to drink enough for both of us," she answered with a dramatic sigh, making herself another cocktail.

Jaina laughed as Alema took a sip of her fresh drink, eyes scanning the room expectantly. Suddenly Alema's face lit up in excitement.

"Finally," she said to herself and then whispered to Jaina. "Little Boy Blue coming in hot, six o'clock."

Jaina looked at Alema askance, "Little Boy Blue?"

"Yes, it's Jag's codename. Keep up," Alema hissed.

"But why? I don't get-"

"Seriously? He's - you know what? Never mind. It's not important," Alema interrupted impatiently, already searching through the crowd for their unknowing pawn.

"Ok time to get your head in the game. We are ready to initiate phase two. Now we just have to find- Zekk!"

Alema smiled as she saw a familiar Jedi making his way to the bar.

Zekk looked over and smiled at Alema in greeting when he saw her. His focus then moved to Jaina, and he did a comical double take. Alema grinned as he immediately made a beeline towards them, his wide eyes never leaving Jaina, clearly motivated to push through the crowd as quickly as possible.

"Ok, here we go. You ready?" Alema asked in a low voice.

Jaina nodded, and then snuck a glance at Jag. Their eyes caught for a moment, and Jaina felt an involuntary shiver at his intense stare, unable to look away. A jab to her ribs broke the moment, and she hastily looked away from Jag's penetrating gaze.

"Focus, Jaina," Alema admonished. "You remember the plan?"

"Ready and waiting for target," Jaina said with false confidence.

Alema nodded once in approval, then turned around with a smile as Zekk approached them.

"Zekk! Jaina and I were just talking about how great it is that you're back on Borleias!"

"Hey Alema," Zekk answered distractedly, eyes still laser focused on Jaina. "Definitely glad to be back. Hey, Jaina."

"Zekk, it's so great to see you," Jaina said, leaning in for a hug. Zekk returned the gesture, holding the embrace just a little longer than necessary.

Alema smirked when his hand lingered on Jaina's hip, and he seemed to have no immediate plans to remove it. Everything was going according to plan.

When Jaina made to move back and create space between them, Alema nudged her sharply with the Force. Jaina shot Alema a dirty look, and then leaned in closer to Zekk, putting a hand flirtatiously on his arm.

Zekk's eyes lit up at Jaina's encouragement, and he subtly pulled her closer. He hadn't been sure what her reaction would be after the way they parted on Hapes, had been a little nervous about seeing her again. But this was far better than he had even hoped for.

"Oh, I think I see Tahiri over there. I'm going to go say hi. See you two later!" Alema said casually and winked at Jaina.

Zekk barely acknowledged Alema's hasty exit, his attention immediately turning back to Jaina. Jaina pasted a flirty smile on her face and hoped that Alema's plan, now officially in motion, worked the way she said it would.

* * *

Jag sat at the corner of the bar, barely tasting the top shelf Corellian whiskey Kyp had thrust into his hand.

His eyes were locked on Jaina as she embraced a tall Jedi, whom he quickly placed as her ex-boyfriend, Zekk. Jag's eyes narrowed as Zekk held the embrace much longer than appropriate for a hug between friends. Jag's grip tightened reflexively on his glass when Zekk pulled Jaina in closer and she smiled up at him.

"Looks like Zekk made it back from his mission just in time for the party. Nice to see him and Jaina reconnecting," Kyp teased, as he sat next to Jag, enjoying his whiskey.

Jag turned to glare at him before his dark gaze returned to Jaina, watching her giggle at something Zekk said.

"Come on, Jag. That's ancient history, they're just friends. You know there's nothing going on between them," Kyp said sympathetically.

"Do I?" Jag asked. "Maybe you should let Zekk know. He seems just as confused as I am."

Kyp winced as Zekk gently pushed a stray curl behind Jaina's ear, a decidedly intimate gesture for two people who were "just friends".

"Okay, I can see where you're coming from. But trust me, she does _not_ have feelings for Zekk. Not like that."

Jag quickly downed the rest of his whiskey and got up, placing his empty glass on the bar.

"I'm going over there."

"Wait- Jag. Aren't you supposed to keep your distance? You know the whole Goddess thing? There are already rumors-" Kyp started, appealing to Jag's strict sense of duty.

"I don't care," Jag said shortly, already moving towards Jaina and Zekk.

Kyp sighed, accepting there was nothing he could do for the time being but watch this play out. It was sort of like watching a bad speeder crash. He coudn't look away.

As he watched Jag determinedly make his way over to the two Jedi, Kyp found himself pondering Jaina's unusual behavior. The new style, the flirting, the blatant attempts to make Jag jealous- it was just all so out of character. It actually reminded him a bit of…

_Alema Rar._

As if conjured by his thoughts, he spotted the blue-skinned Twi'lek at the other end of the bar. She was watching the scene unfold with decided eagerness, as if it was a performance arranged just for her. He groaned, as he finally connected the navpoints.

Kyp had a bad feeling that this was not going to end well. Luckily, for everyone, he would be there to pick up the pieces as usual.


	6. Carried Away

**_I actually randomly heard _Love Me Now _by John Legend as i was writing this. It reminded me of Jag/Jaina and semi inspired part of the way the story went (in case you know the song or want to listen)!_**

_**This is pretty much the end of what i already had planned out in my head, but I am thinking of continuing and maybe going AU? Let me know if you would be interesetd in reading and if you think I should continue.**_

**_All things Star Wars belong to George Lucas._**

* * *

Jaina smiled up at Zekk, hoping that was an appropriate reaction to what he had just said. She had found it nearly impossible to concentrate on their conversation, eventually gave up trying. Her every thought was dominated by a different set of green eyes, and she was having trouble focusing on anything else. And then she felt his familiar presence right behind her.

"Jaina," Jag's voice broke through her thoughts, controlled and steady.

Jaina resisted the urge to spin around, reminding herself she had a part to play. Instead she turned slowly, surreptitiously studying him for any sign that Alema's plan was working. A casual observer would not have noticed anything unusual, his customary stoic mask firmly in place.

But Jaina had seen his hands clench slightly and his eyes narrow, almost imperceptibly, at Zekk's arm around her waist. Even more telling was the fact that he addressed her as Jaina. Since she started the Goddess routine, Jag had only called her that when they were alone. In public, it was always Goddess or Great One.

Jaina wondered how something as commonplace as her name could feel like the most intimate endearment falling from his lips. Even standing a respectable distance apart in a very public place.

Pushing that thought aside quickly, Jaina leaned closer into Zekk and appraised Jag with an icy stare.

"Did you need something, Colonel Fel?" Jaina asked in her haughtiest Goddess voice.

"Yes. I was wondering if I could speak to you," Jag answered, tension starting to bleed into his voice.

"About?" Jaina asked, affecting indifference.

Jag's eyes darted to Zekk for a split second, then back to Jaina, his emotions tightly shuttered. Jaina noticed his eyes were a deep forest green. She didn't think she had ever seem them that dark before.

"In regards to the latest tactical planning for Twin Suns," Jag replied formally.

Jaina rubbed her hand up and down Zekk's arm in a seemingly absent-minded movement, and could practically hear Jag gritting his teeth in response.

"Apologies, Colonel. As you can see, I'm busy right now. Perhaps another time?"

Jag stared at her with piercing green eyes, and then nodded woodenly, "You're right. I do see. Another time then, Goddess."

Without another word, Jag spun quickly on his heels, disappearing into the crowd. As soon as he was out of sight, Jaina pulled away from Zekk and leaned against the bar with a sigh.

"What was that all about?" Zekk questioned her.

Jaina ignored him, following Jag's blazing Force signature as it moved further away, becoming harder to distinguish. She was starting to really hate this plan, wanted nothing more than to go after Jag. She struggled to remember why simply talking to him had seemed like such a bad idea.

Hey, Jaina," Zekk said, grabbing her hand gently, eyes full of concern. "You ok?"

Jaina smiled wanly at him. Zekk was a good friend, a good person. She felt an overwhelming sense of guilt for making him an unknowing participant in her little scheme. He didn't deserve this.

With a pang, she recalled Jag's face, the hurt she had seen flash in his eyes before walking away. Jag didn't deserve this, either.

"Yeah, thanks, Zekk," Jaina said genuinely. "Look I've got to go, but it was really nice catching up with you."

Jaina squeezed Zekk's hand before gently pulling free from his grasp. With a small smile, she turned away, weaving through the throng of people without a backward glance.

Leaving a thoroughly confused Zekk in her wake, unsure what had just happened.

* * *

Jag blindly pushed through the crowd, trying to control the staggering sense of rage he felt, fighting the overwhelming desire to break something. Preferably Zekk's face.

He was angry and frustrated beyond belief at Jaina's fickle heart and cold dismissal. But mostly he was furious at himself for allowing this to happen. For being a fair-haired fool who thought things would be-_could be_\- different. For allowing himself to see a future in her alluring brown eyes. His future.

The wave of emotions he felt was like nothing he had ever experienced before, and he knew he was dangerously close to snapping. He felt a sense of relief as he approached the exit, desperate to put as much distance between himself and Jaina as possible.

Then Kyp was in his path, between him and his escape route. The man's sense of timing was truly vexing.

"Jag, where are you going?"

"I'm leaving," Jag answered shortly, stepping around Kyp to open the door. Kyp followed him warily, sensing strong emotions seeping from the growing cracks in Jag's impenetrable mental shields.

"What happened?" Kyp asked, following him out the door. "Did you talk to Jaina?"

"No," Jag answered, finally stopping to face Kyp with a bitter smile. "But I think I got all the answers I needed."

And with that Jag turned and walked briskly down the hall, leaving Kyp to go find the woman who was responsible for the younger man's inner turmoil.

* * *

Jaina sighed in frustration as she looked around, seeing no sign of her target at the packed bar. Deciding it was unlikely Jag would be on the dance floor, she headed for the Sabbaac table, hoping to find him there. Suddenly she spotted a familiar face, and adjusted her course straight for him.

"Kyp, thank the Force. I need your help," she said as soon as she reached him.

"Jaina, I've been looking all over for you-"

"I don't have time for this," Jaina interrupted Kyp impatiently. "I need to find Jag. Have you seen him?"

"He left a little while ago," he answered, watching Jaina's reaction carefully.

"He left?" Jaina asked, face falling.

Kyp raised an eyebrow at her, "Honestly, can you blame him? There's only so much torture a man can willingly take, Jaina."

Jaina sighed, "This was all a huge mistake. I don't know why I let Alema talk me into this stupid plan in the first place. Emperor's bones, what was I even thinking taking advice from her?"

"That's a very good question," Kyp agreed. "But here's some advice you _should_ take. Go talk to Jag. He's been trying to find you all day. You owe him that much, at least."

"You're right," Jaina groaned. "I just- I don't know what's wrong with me, Kyp, why I'm so scared. Facing a hundred skips in my x-wing- easy. Life threatening battles with impossible odds- no problem. Pretty much a Solo family tradition. But the thought of facing Jag…"

"Makes you feel incredibly vulnerable?" Kyp supplied knowingly.

"I guess. It's just... I care about him so much. And don't get me wrong- these past few weeks with him have been good. Great, even. But I feel like I'm constantly waiting for for the other shoe to drop. For him to realize he made a terrible mistake and just- just leave," Jaina bit her lip and looked at the ground.

"Have you ever thought that maybe Jag feels the same way about you? That he's also scared?"

Jaina head shot up, and she eyed him dubiously.

"Fine, you don't have to believe me. But you _do_ need to give Jag a chance. I know you're worried about what he's going to say, but don't let the fear of what might happen keep you from finding happiness _now_," Kyp answered sagely. "Life's just too short."

Jaina nodded resolutely, knowing Kyp was right.

"Who knew you were so wise. I guess it comes with age," Jaina teased. "Cover for me?"

"Always, Goddess. Good luck." Kyp laughed, "And go easy on Jag- he's had a rough day."

* * *

"Ok, time to cut to the power cables, Solo. Stop being such a kriffing coward and just do this," Jaina talked herself up, as she stood hesitantly outside Jag's door.

Taking a deep breath she finally knocked on the door. Jaina barely had time for second thoughts, when it flung open and she looked up into Jag's hard green gaze.

"Um, hi," Jaina said, eyes darting to the side, her anxiety building. Jag just continued to stare at her with cold eyes and Jaina shifted uncomfortably.

"Can I come in?"

Jag still didn't say anything, and for a moment, Jaina worried he was going to slam the door in her face. She probably deserved it. Then he stepped back, and gestured silently for her to enter.

Jaina walked in, and perched awkwardly on the edge of his bed. Jag stayed where he was, the length of the room between them, the heavy silence suffocating.

"What are you doing here, Jaina?" Jag finally asked dully.

"I don't know," Jaina said in a small voice. "I mean you said you wanted to talk to me…"

"It's irrelevant now," Jag answered, "so if that's why you're here- "

Jaina interrupted, tilting her head to the side, "What does that mean, 'it's irrelevant'?"

"It means I may be blind to the Force, but I still got the message you were sending tonight," Jag responded bitterly. "Loud and clear."

Jaina sighed, "Jag, listen-"

"Although I admit, I am curious about one thing," Jag continued, voice low and full of some emotion Jaina couldn't quite place. "Were you ever really interested in me? Or was I just a convenient distraction while your Jedi was away?"

"Yes- I mean no. I mean- you seriously have this _all_ wrong-"

Jag stared at her in disbelief. "Really? Please, explain to me how I could possibly have misinterpreted the situation. It seems crystal clear from where I'm standing."

"It didn't mean anything. With Zekk. I was just trying to make you jealous," Jaina blurted out.

"What?" Jag asked, incredulous. His brain was spinning, and he fought hard to suppress the emotions that were building inside him. Anger. Frustration. Hope.

"Well, ok. So I was talking to Alema and.. well," Jaina paused, struggling to find the right words. Now that she found herself trying to explain her behavior, she realized how ridiculous it all sounded.

As Jaina trailed off, seemingly unable- _or unwilling_\- to give him an answer, Jag felt his irritation mounting. He closed the distance between them in a few large strides, suddenly hovering over her.

"Do you have any idea what it was like for me, watching him touch you? Watching you encourage him? Knowing I couldn't say anything- _do anything_\- because of your blasted Goddess act?" Jag laughed harshly. "Or was that the point- was this all just another little game for your twisted entertainment?"

Jaina jumped to her feet, and reached up to touch his arm, then thought better of it. Instead she looked him straight in the eye and poured as much conviction as she could into her gaze, begging him to believe her.

"Jag, no, I promise. It was nothing like that. I would never do that to you. I just- I was worried that you didn't want me anymore."

When Jag only stared at her, Jaina rushed to continue, determine to make him understand.

"You were avoiding me, and even when were were together it felt like you were pulling away. So I tried to fix things, but instead I got drunk and somehow made things even worse. And then you wanted to talk and I figured you were going to end it all-end us. And I just- I took some horrible, horrible advice, and I know I probably kriffed things up forever- but only because I care about you so much, Jag. So, so much. And the thought of losing you-"

Jaina's desperate rambling was cut off by a searing kiss, as Jag closed the distance between them and pulled her roughly to him.

Jag's lips were demanding, a rough edge of anger and desperation in his movements. Jag weaved one hand in the curls at the base of her neck, tugging her head back to deepen the kiss. His other hand landed on her waist, pulling her closer. Jaina felt all of Jag's emotions then, his shields completely down, and they overwhelmed her. The hurt, the anger, the staggering desire. And something else…

And then his shields were back up before Jaina could identify the last emotion. He suddenly broke the kiss, and released Jaina as he ran a hand through his hair, watching her warily.

"Wow," Jaina finally said, breathlessly. "So I guess you _do_ want me."

Jag let out a shaky laugh, "I would say that's a bit of an understatement."

Jaina looked at him, voice low, ""So then when you wanted to talk to me- it _wasn't _because you were going to leave me?"

Jag sighed in frustration, then took Jaina's hand in his.

"Jaina, I told you I wasn't going anywhere, and I meant it. The way I feel about you- I've never felt this way about anyone before. Ever," Jag said earnestly.

"I feel the same way." Jaina answered squeezing his hand. "But then- why have you been pushing me away? I know I've been acting a bit space sick, but I'm pretty sure I didn't imagine _that_."

Jag swallowed, "I just- I didn't want to go too fast. Pressure you into anything you weren't ready for."

Jaina looked at him askance, "While I appreciate the concern, you acting like I had the Bandonian Plague seems a little extreme."

"Jaina," Jag closed his eyes. "I don't- I can't trust myself around you. It's so hard to stay in control. I was worried I wouldn't be able to stop myself…"

Jaina looked at him with a dawning understanding. Kyp was right, she thought. Jag was scared, too. Scared of hurting her. Maybe even scared of losing her_._

Suddenly Jaina knew she had to be brave for the both of them. Wrapping her arms around Jag's neck, she pulled him down for a kiss, pressing her body close to his.

"Then maybe it's time you stop trying," Jaina whispered into his ear.

Jaina's words, coupled with her body pressing against his, broke down the last of his resistance. He was still mad at her. Knew they had things they needed to work through, needed to fix if their relationship was going to have any chance of working. But right now, he couldn't think past the fact that she was here. With him. That she had chosen him.

As their kiss once again grew more heated, Jaina moved to the bed, pulling Jag down on top of her. Jag moaned her name into her mouth as Jaina's hands explored the hard planes of his body, her touches teasingly soft.

Jaina wrapped her legs around his waist, her skirt riding up her hips and revealing her lacy black panties. Jag ripped his mouth away from hers, and felt his throat go dry as his body stiffened with desire. Jaina watched him carefully, continuing to touch him with more deliberate strokes, crossing her ankles behind his back to keep him from retreating.

Jag closed his eyes, leaning his head into the crease between her shoulder and neck. He placed open mouthed kisses there, as her name dropped repeatedly from his lips like a fervent prayer.

Jaina tilted her head further back, giving him better access. She pulled him down, wanting to feel him, wanting him _closer_. Each kiss, each touch, left fire in its wake and the jolts of intense pleasure left her aching for more. She reached back, needing to feel him, feel his skin pressed against hers. Pulling off her borrowed top, she threw it to the floor without a second thought, a delicious shiver of anticipation running through her body as Jag's eyes hungrily devoured her.

Jag traced the swell of her exposed breasts with gentle fingers, but Jaina could see the barely restrained lust in his eyes. Knew that he was still holding back.

She shifted purposefully underneath him, and he lifted his head back up to look at her. His eyes were a soft, mossy green now and Jaina thought she could happily drown in them.

"Jaina," Jag said, voice husky with desire, "We don't have to do this."

Jaina smiled, and leaned up to place a gentle kiss on his lips, "I know."

"We can wait- wait until you're ready-"

Jaina silenced him with another kiss.

"I'm ready now. I want this," she said, then lifted Jag's chin, forcing him to hold eye contact. "But it goes both ways. What do you want, Jag?"

Jag's gaze swept over Jaina's body, and then back to her beautiful brown eyes.

I want you, Jaina Solo," Jag answered desperately, finally giving in. "Force, I _need_ you."

_I love you._

"Then what are you waiting for, flyboy? It's rude to keep a Goddess waiting, after all," she said, flashing the signature Solo grin before pulling him back to her.

Jaina knew they faced challenges ahead. That there were a million things outside these walls waiting to tear them apart. They were in the middle of a war, and nothing was guaranteed. But for now, she was content to lose herself in Jag's embrace and let him carry her away. At least for a little while.


	7. Ask Me to Choose You

Jaina gave a half-hearted wave goodnight to Kyp, before making a beeline for her room. She felt as if she was about to fall asleep on her feet, and all she could think about was getting to her bed.

There had only been small dogfights with the Vong in the past few weeks, but General Antilles had kept all the squadrons busy with drills to keep sharp, and there had been plenty of Goddess business to intend to. All the top military officers were concerned by the inactivity of the Vong and predicted it was only the calm before the storm. Jaina agreed and grimly waited for all hell to break loose.

With all that going on, she had not had much time for trivial mortal needs like sleep.

As Jaina's hand hovered over the entry pad she scanned the force for threats, a habit she had picked up since becoming a Goddess and was surprised to feel a familiar presence in her room. Pleasantly surprised. They had both been so busy lately with conflicting squadron schedules and had to make do with quick stolen moments that had left her aching for more.

She entered the room, and the door had barely closed behind her, when strong arms pushed her against the wall, hungry lips descending on hers. Jaina's body reacted instinctively, melting into the passionate embrace, allowing Jag to devour her like a starving man. Eventually, the need for oxygen forced them to pull away breathlessly.

"Well that was some welcome, flyboy," Jaina, said with a smile. And then she looked into Jag's eyes and her smile wavered.

Over the past months together, Jag's mental walls had begun to come down. That, or she had just gotten better at reading him.

And her heart dropped as she felt the quick pang of regret and uncertainty in his Force presence. The desperation she still felt in the echo of his kiss.

"Jag," she whispered. "What's wrong?"

Jag smiled slightly, "I forgot how hard it is to hide anything from a Jedi."

Jaina pulled back anxiously searching Jag's face and grew more nervous as the silence stretched out between them.

"What happened?" Jaina demanded. "Tell me, Jag."

"I received word today from my father. The Ascendancy has reached a decision, and believe it is against their interest to support the Galactic Alliance in the war against the Vong," Jag answered evenly.

"I'm sorry, Jag," Jaina answered sympathetically. "I know you were hoping that Shawnkyr could convince them they needed to send support, but they could still change their minds. If you keep sending reports-"

"You don't understand, Jaina," Jag interrupted. "They will have no part in the war, and are recalling all Chiss military currently supporting the war effort. Including me."

"What?" Jaina gasped.

"I have orders to return to Csilla, effective immediately," Jag answered grimly. "And this time they will not be sending me back."

Jaina felt her world starting to spin, this couldn't be happening.

"So that's it. You're leaving," Jaina answered, her voice barely a whisper.

"Not necessarily," Jag answered cryptically. "I have another option open to me."

Jaina shot him an incredulous look, "And that is?"

"I can resign from the Chiss military," Jag answered solemnly.

There was a moment of silence, Jaina momentarily left speechless at the drastic offer.

"Can you even do that?" Jaina questioned stupidly, unable to think of an appropriate response.

"Yes," Jag responded. "There will be some unfortunate implications, but I can live with them."

Though his stoic expression remained impossible to read, Jaina noticed the sting of loss that temporarily flashed in the Force.

"What are the implications?" Jaina asked.

"I will no longer be welcome in Chiss space," Jag said evenly.

"But that's your home…" Jaina answered, horrified.

"It's a place I lived," Jag said with a shrug.

"And what about your squadron? You've worked so hard to get where you are, and I know how much they mean to you. How much being a Chiss officer is a part of who you are-"

Jag moved towards Jaina and grabbed her hands in his, eyes bright as they bore into Jaina's with an overwhelming intensity.

"Ask me to choose you, Jaina. And I'll walk away from it all. My military career, Spike Squadron, my life in the Unknown Regions. All of it."

"And what about your family?" Jaina asked. "Your father?"

"They will understand," Jag answered firmly. And Jaina didn't need the Force to know that he was lying.

"I can't ask you to make that choice, Jag," Jaina answered shakily. Desperately wishing she could, that she could selfishly make him stay with her forever.

Jag lifted her chin gently so that she has no choice but to look into his penetrating green gaze.

"Yes you can," Jag answered urgently, then took a deep breath. "I want you to. Jaina, I love you. I just- I need to know if there's a future here. For us. That you want one as much as I do."

Jaina could picture it, almost too easily. Her and Jag. Two children with bright green eyes and the infamous Solo grin. But she regretfully pushed it away. She was the Sword of the Jedi. Her uncle had prophesied she would stand alone and never know peace.

She couldn't ask him to give up his whole life for a future with her. She didn't even know what kind of future she had. If she had one at all.

And Jag deserved so much more than that.

"Jag, I can't," Jaina whispered, tears streaming down her face. "I can't promise what you want from me."

Jag's hand fell from her face, and the anguish that flashed in his eyes was enough to break Jaina's heart. She could feel the wall around his emotions resurrect in the Force, as his eyes turned blank, shutting her out.

Jag nodded stiffly, his voice controlled and tight, "I understand, Goddess. I apologize for putting you in that position."

"Jag…" Jaina answered helplessly, her voice trailing off, unsure what to say. She moved closer to him, her hand resting on his chest, and he stiffened.

She steeled herself to look at him, not knowing what to say but knowing she couldn't let him leave like this. She felt tears roll down her cheeks as she tried to penetrate his stoic imperial mask.

Something flashed in his eyes, and then he leaned down to kiss her. It was not hurried and desperate like earlier, but slow and intimate. It tasted like good-bye.

Jag pulled back, his piecing gaze meeting hers one last time, "May the Force be with you, Jaina Solo."

Before Jaina could react, or even process that this really how it was all going to end, Jag marched purposely to the door, discreetly slipping out into the empty hallway.

Jaina watched him leave as if in a living nightmare, sinking down to the floor as her heart seemed to shatter into a million pieces. She barely noticed as Kyp's presence nudge her in the force, recognizing his concern but unable to react. All she could think about was Jag walking out of her life forever, and she felt herself falling into a deep hole of loneliness and despair.

When a frantic Kyp let himself into her room minutes later, he found her sitting on the floor, arms around her knees, as she rocked herself back and forth inconsolably.

Kyp kneeled down to be eye level with her, and her overwhelming anguish in the Force hit him like a blow.

"Kyp," she whimpered. "He's- he's not coming back. He's gone."

She looked like a lost broken child, not at all the strong confident Goddess he was used to. Reaching for her gently, Kyp pulled her to him, holding her as she broke down in tears.

* * *

Jag had left Jaina's room and found his feet taking him down the hallway, directly to the pilot ready room. Once he got there, he was relieved that it was empty. He didn't want to make small talk or suffer through the never-ending banter that all Alliance pilots seemed to indulge in. He just wanted to shoot something. In the sims, he felt in control, and right now he felt like everything he thought he knew was slipping away from him.

Maybe zapping a few coralskippers would help distract him from the unbearable disappointment he felt. No this was worse than disappointment. He had felt that before, and it paled in comparison. This was the death of hope, hope for a future he only recently realized was possible, that had seemed just within his grasp. A future he had wanted so damn badly.

He quickly set up the system with one of the most challenging simulations, something that would force him to compartmentalize his emotions and focus on the battle. He slipped into the pilot couch and started his check-down mindlessly. Unfortunately, that gave him plenty of time to think about other things.

So much had happened in the past twenty-four hours, and Jag had experienced more extreme emotions in that short window than he had ever experienced in his life.

First had come frustration when his father had informed him the Chiss would not join the Alliance to fight the Vong. Then had come impotent fury when it had been made crystal clear that Jagged Fel was being officially recalled, and that there would be no leniency if he didn't follow the command. And that the Ascendency had no intention of sending him back this time.

That was when he realized how much he wanted to stay. He believed in what General Antilles and the Alliance were doing, sacrificing their lives to protect the rest of the galaxy from the Vong invaders. Jag knew that by staying he could help their cause, potentially impact the war for the better. Even though he was raised amongst the Chiss, he felt a kinship with his uncle and his pilots, one that he had not expected.

And then there was Jaina.

He had never felt this way about any other woman, and he knew he never would. It was almost enough to make him believe in soul mates or fate. But now, he would have to break his promise to her and walk out of her life forever.

Even worse, she would constantly be in danger. He knew she could take care of herself- she was an exceptional pilot and a powerful Jedi- but he still felt uneasy that he would not be there to fly her wing.

His hopeless anger had quickly burned out to desperation.

He had only been with Jaina- only known her really- for a short time, but it was already impossible to imagine a future without her. Suddenly the military titles and recognition the old Jagged Fel had craved didn't seem as important. His father had hinted at a potential promotion upon his return, but it had not triggered the sense of accomplished pride it once would have.

Instead, he had felt nothing. And that's when he knew with certainty he could not be happy with that life. He had changed too much in that short time, and he no longer could be satisfied with that empty existence. Now that he knew there was more to life than military success and accolades. More to life than duty and his family name.

He knew now that he didn't want to live a life that didn't include Jaina Solo. It wouldn't really be a life at all.

And then he had felt a sense of grim determination. There was one other option left open to him, but it meant giving up everything he had known and worked for his entire life. And once he made the decision there was no going back.

Jag internally cringed when he imagined his father's response, and felt overwhelming guilt when he realized, in essence, it would mean his mother would lose yet another one of her children. Maybe not to death, but it would be just as absolute. The Chiss did not handle insubordination well, and that's exactly what they would consider this.

But despite all he would have to give up, he felt confident in his decision, knowing in his heart that a future with Jaina was worth all those sacrifices and more. Maybe he was becoming a little bit of a rebel, after all. Or had watched too many of his mother's holodramas.

Jag snapped his attention back to the simulation as he heard control give his squadron permission to launch. Jag exited the hangar and flew into utter chaos, forced to duck stray magma and laser blasts alike. Once he had managed to make it clear of the dogfights, he immediately scanned his sensor boards, analyzing the threat level for each enemy with cool detachment. Using his knowledge of the opponent and the situation to predict their next actions before committing his own. Jag was good at predicting people, he always had been.

They why had he been so far off in predicting Jaina's reaction?

He knew Jaina had her own demons to fight, even things that she still hid from him. Most of them were connected to her being a Jedi, and he tried not to let it bother him, that there was a part of her that he could never truly share. But he had convinced himself that she truly loved him, that deep down she wanted what he did.

And he had been wrong.

Out of everything that happened, that was the hardest part for Jag to relive. When the hope and the anxious anticipation had died with her words, and he knew that his dreams of a future would always be just that. A dream.

He had wanted to hate her for leading him on. Letting him believe she felt the same way he did. He had truly tried. But when she had looked up at him, silent tears streaming down her face, he knew he could never feel that way. Not really. And even though he knew it would be exquisite torture, he had allowed himself to give her one last kiss good-bye. One last bitter-sweet memory to take with him.

And then he had left.

For a moment he had been tempted to stay anyway. He could build a life here with the Alliance. He was an ace pilot and his uncle was the General- he was sure he would be able to get a job for the time being.

Sure, Jaina couldn't give him everything he wanted, that he had asked for, but Jag knew she cared for him. He had almost convinced himself he could be happy settling for whatever part of Jaina she was willing to give him, for however long she chose to do so.

But deep down he knew that wasn't true. And it wouldn't be fair to him or to Jaina when she eventually was ready to move on. He suddenly pictured Jaina falling in love with someone else- probably a Jedi like Kyp or Zekk- as he was forced to watch from the sidelines. No, it was better that he just disappear back into the Unknown Regions, an ex-boyfriend she remembered fondly.

As the simulation ended, Jag leaned back in the pilot couch, not quite ready to leave the carefully controlled simulation and return to the real world. But he had a duty to his squadron, needed to finalize plans for their trip home so there were no unexpected surprises. And Jag Fel was not one to shirk his responsibilities, especially now that they were all that he had left. So allowing himself one small sigh, he pulled himself out of the simulator and left to make his preparations.


	8. Live for the Moment

Kyp stood outside Jaina's door and greeted the slender blonde girl who walked swiftly down the hall, her pretty features twisted in concern.

"Thanks for coming," Kyp said quickly, voice low, as she stopped beside him.

"Of course I came," Tahiri answered. "You said Jaina needed me."

"I didn't know who else to call. Leia and Han are on some top-secret mission. Mara and Luke are off-world and I don't know when they plan on coming back-"

"Kyp," Tahiri interrupted. "What's going on?"

"She just found out last night that Jag's leaving, For good," Kyp said bluntly. "And she's taking it pretty hard. I'm worried about her, Tahiri. Last time she lost someone she cared about…" Kyp trailed off, knowing he didn't have to say anything else. Both of them remembered Jaina's flirtation with the dark side after Myrkr.

"And you're worried she's going to turn all Dark Jaina, again?" Tahiri asked.

"I don't know," Kyp answered, frustration bleeding into his voice. "I don't think so. She's just sunk into this black hole of depression, and nothing I say or do seems to be able to bring her out. She won't talk to me. And I just thought maybe you could reach her. You know, since you know what it's like to…" again Kyp trailed off.

"Since I know exactly what it's like to lose the love of my life," Tahiri finished bitterly.

"Tahiri, I'm sorry," Kyp started, feeling a pang of guilt. He had been so caught up in helping Jaina, that he hadn't even thought about what he was truly asking the younger girl to do. What reliving her pain might cost her. "That was- I shouldn't have called you. I-"

"No," Tahiri answered firmly. "I want to help if I can."

"Thank you," Kyp, said relieved.

Tahiri smiled at him weakly.

"You're not the only one who loves Jaina Solo, Kyp," she answered. And before he could react, she slipped into the room, leaving Kyp waiting alone in the hallway.

* * *

Tahiri entered the dark room quietly, shivering involuntarily as she felt the swirling emotions of loss and desolation that seemed to hang over the room like a shroud. Following the source of the feelings, she found Jaina curled up in the corner of the room staring listlessly into space. Tahiri slid carefully to the floor, next to Jaina but not quite touching, and wrapped her arms around her legs drawing them up to her chest.

"Hey, Jaya," she said softly, noticing the other woman flinch at the use of her childhood nickname. The name Anakin had affectionately continued to use up until the day he had died. "Kyp told me what happened… with Jag."

Jaina continued to start blindly into the distance, giving no sign that she had even heard Tahiri.

"I just wanted you to know that I'm here if you want to talk. Or if you don't want to talk. Or you know, whatever. Just know that I'm here," Tahiri said. She was rambling, but Jaina's total lack of reaction was unnerving.

"He's never coming back," Jaina whispered. "He's leaving and I'll never see him again."

Tahiri moved closer, putting a comforting hand on Jaina's shoulder. They were making progress, at least Jaina was talking. From what Kyp said that was more reaction than he had gotten. So Tahiri took a deep breath and plunged forward.

"I know it sounds cliche or whatever, but I really do know how you feel," Tahiri answered. "When Ana- when your brother died, I thought I would never-"

"You don't understand," Jaina interrupted voice low. "This is completely different."

Tahiri pulled back her hand, eyes blazing in hurt anger, "And why's that? Because we were still kids? Because we only kissed once? We might not have been in a relationship like you and Jag, but I loved-"

"Tahiri, no," Jaina cut her off frantically, finally turning to face the younger girl. "That's not what I meant at all. You and Anakin- he loved you. And I know you loved him. I just meant- I'm the reason Jag is leaving. Force, I don't even have the right to be upset- to have you and Kyp and whoever else feeling sorry for me and trying to make me feel better. This is all my fault."

"Come on, Jaina," Tahiri answered. "You can't blame yourself. It's not like you told him to leave."

"No," Jaina said, voice trembling. "But I didn't give him a reason to stay, either. Even when he asked me to. And that's sort of the same thing, isn't it?"

I don't understand," Tahiri admitted. "What does that even mean?"

Jaina sighed, "Jag told me he would resign his position with the Chiss and stay here. If I asked him to."

"Wow," Tahiri said, trying to cover her shock. Jagged Fel was one of those men who _was_ his job. If he was willing to give that up for Jaina…

"Yeah," Jaina said, getting to her feet without thinking. Talking about this was just making her anxious and she needed to get rid of some of the frenetic energy.

Tahiri looked up with a raised eyebrow as Jaina started pacing back and forth in front of her. Now they were getting somewhere, this was more like the Jaina Tahiri had always known, and at least she seemed to have snapped out of that haze of depression. She just needed to keep her talking.

"And that's not all," Jaina added before Tahiri could even come up with a follow-up question. "Apparently the Chiss don't take rejection very well. So if he resigns, he would be persona non grata. He could never go home."

Tahiri was silent for a minute, and Jaina paused looking at her expectantly.

"That's a lot to give up," Tahiri said slowly. "He must really love you."

"He does," Jaina answered, her voice riddled with guilt.

"And you love him?"

"So, so much," Jaina whispered. "I didn't even know it could feel like this…"

"I get it," Tahiri replied her smile bittersweet. "What I don't get, is why he's still leaving."

"Because I can't give him what he wants," Jaina replied. "Even if it's what I want. You heard my Uncle, I'm the Sword of the Jedi. I am destined to stand alone, to never know peace. I can't drag Jag into all of that- and that's assuming that I even live through this war which, let's be honest, doesn't look too likely right now. He deserves better than that. I won't let him give up his entire life for a future that might not even exist. I can't. It's not fair to him."

"You're wrong," Tahiri answered. "What's unfair is making the decision for him. Deciding that he's better off without you."

"What?" Jaina asked, obviously not expecting that response.

"Jag's smart, really smart. And he doesn't strike me as the type of person to make a decision without thinking it through," Tahiri argued. "And I'm pretty sure he knows who and what you are, and all the screwed up stuff that comes with it. The risks he's taking. Yet he's still willing to take those risks if you are."

"How am I supposed to promise him a future when I don't even know if I have one?" Jaina demanded.

"Jaina, nobody can promise the future, prophecy or no prophecy. Jedi or no Jedi. We're in the middle of a war, people die," Tahiri said firmly. "Jag knows that and you know that. You're both pilots, you go into every battle knowing that you might not come back, it's part of the job. The question isn't if you can guarantee a future with him. It's if you even _want _a future with him."

"Force, don't you get it?" Jaina asked, clearly frustrated. "I can't want a future with anyone! I have a destiny-"

"That's bantha poodoo," Tahiri interrupted.

"Excuse me?" Jaina asked, turning to Tahiri in surprise.

"You heard me," Tahiri answered evenly. "First off, your destiny doesn't define you. Sure, maybe you're the Sword of the Jedi, but you're also still Jaina Solo. And you're allowed to live your life. You want to talk about destiny? How do you know it's not destiny that you and Jag met? That you two aren't meant to be together?"

"I just-" Jaina started before Tahiri cut her off.

"But that doesn't matter, because this isn't even what this is about, is it? It's not about the prophecy or destiny… you can't commit to Jag because you're scared."

"And what exactly am I scared of, Tahiri?" Jaina asked eyes narrowed. Tahiri almost wilted under Jaina's burning stare but forced herself to keep going.

"You're afraid of letting yourself imagine that future with Jag, letting yourself want it. Because part of you is afraid of eventually losing him. You're trying to protect yourself before you get too far in, so you don't get hurt like you did when you lost your brothers," Tahiri paused and took a deep breath before continuing. "And the other part of you? The other part of you thinks you don't deserve to be happy."

The room was silent, and Tahiri held her breath, unsure of what Jaina's reaction would be.

"Maybe I don't," Jaina answered finally, her voice tired.

"Jaina, everyone deserves to be happy," Tahiri answered gently. "I know Anakin would want you to be, to find someone who made you feel that way. He loved you. And he would hate to know that he was the reason you were denying yourself that happiness."

"I just- I don't know if I can deal with losing someone else I love," Jaina admitted. I don't think I'm strong enough."

"You're the strongest person I know," Tahiri said with a smile.

"And what if I'm not?" Jaina pushed. "What happens if I lose him and I'm not strong enough?"

"Nothing worthwhile comes without risk," Tahiri said with a shrug. "But you can't just stop living, because you're scared of what's going to happen. Otherwise, you're not really living at all."

"Kyp said something very similar to me a while ago," Jaina observed. "Actually, it was also about Jag."

"Even a blind nerf finds an acorn every once in a while," Tahiri answered wryly, causing them both to laugh.

"Thanks, Tahiri," Jaina said, smiling at the other girl, before leaning over to give her a hug. "And I hope- I hope you're taking your own advice? I know Anakin would want you to be happy, too."

"I know," Tahiri said, with a bittersweet smile. "I'm working on it."

"Well, I know I've been a mess. And I haven't been here for you the way I should have been, the way he would have wanted me to be," Jaina said. "But that's going to change, I promise. If you ever need anything, anything at all..."

"Thanks, Jaya," Tahiri acknowledged, before changing the subject. "So I guess, the question is, what are you going to do now?"

"Take a risk. But first, I think I need to make a quick trip to the refresher," Jaina answered with a glimmer of the Solo smirk, that still reminded Tahiri so much of Anakin.

Tahiri felt a pang of regret for what could have been, then shook it off. Just like Jaina, Tahiri needed to move forward with her life and find a way to be happy. Jaina had been right, that's what Anakin would want for both of them.

"Good," Tahiri said. "While you're doing that I'll go outside and put Kyp out of his misery. He was really worried about you, you know."

"I know, he's a good friend. He's family, really," Jaina answered. "Like you. I'm lucky to have both of you."

Tahiri rewarded her with a brilliant smile before heading to the door, as Jaina went to the refresher, and mentally prepare herself to take a huge leap of faith.

* * *

Jag headed purposely down the hall, his face blank and professional, as he nodded at the stray pilot that passed. He had spent the morning tying up loose ends and getting everything prepared for his final departure. The hardest task had been meeting with his Uncle to secure his final route home and finalize all the transitioning plans now that he was leaving with the remaining Chiss pilots.

Wedge had not even bothered trying to hide his regret when he learned about the recall of the Chiss personnel. And somehow Jag knew it wasn't only because he would be losing able-bodied pilots- although he was sure that played some part in his disappointment. No, his Uncle seemed to genuinely lament losing the opportunity to spend time with his nephew.

Jag was a living link to the sister he had lost so long ago, and Wedge had easily welcomed him as family ever since the first day Jag had arrived in the Known Regions. And Jag had come to care about this part of his family he had never known, and it was just one more thing he would have to leave behind. At least he would be able to bring his mother holos and messages from her brother, share some stories about the Antilles family she was unable to meet in person.

Jag sighed, before entering the key code to his room. Now all that was left to do was pack. Which wouldn't take very long, considering Jag didn't have much in the line of personal effects. Jag had decided this morning it wasn't worth delaying the inevitable, and now he was coming closer and closer to the moment of reckoning. He tried not to think about it too much and just keep busy with his internal checklist of things to do. The less he thought about it the less it hurt.

Jag entered the room, then stiffened, his hand dropping to the blaster on his waist. The sixth sense he had developed as a career soldier, one that had not failed him yet, warned him he wasn't alone. He took a cautious step further into the room, eyes darting around warily to find the threat.

And then he saw her, and his hand dropped from his blaster to hang at his side.

"Jaina," Jag said, taken by surprise. After their conversation last night he had not expected to see her again. At least not outside his dreams. For a second he wondered if he was dreaming now.

"Hey Jag," Jaina answered awkwardly. "So, Wedge told me you went to see him today. That you're leaving tomorrow morning."

"That's the plan," Jag answered cautiously.

He wondered if she knew how much harder she was making it for him to leave.

"Were you going to tell me?" Jaina asked curiously. "When you were leaving, I mean."

"I thought we already said our good-byes," Jag answered evenly.

Jaina looked away, biting her lip before looking back at him. "Well, I'm sure you're wondering why I'm here then…"

"The thought has crossed my mind," Jag admitted, the even tone of his voice doing little to betray his ranging emotions.

He hadn't wanted to have to say good-bye to her again, once had been enough. But if this was the sort of closure she needed, he would do it for her. Even after she broke his heart, he found there was very little he could deny her.

"Choose me," Jaina blurted out.

That has not been what Jag had expected. Jag watched her in silence, as he worked to process what had just happened.

"What?" He asked, even though he was certain he had heard her correctly. Still, he needed to hear her say it again.

Jaina took a step forward, grabbing Jag's hands in hers as she looked up at him pleadingly. "I know I'm a little late but… I _want_ that future with you. I really, really do. And I know nobody can predict the future or how much time we'll have together, but I'm not going to be scared anymore. And so… I'm asking you to choose me."

Jag continued to stare at her in disbelief and Jaina shuffled uncomfortably.

"I mean if you still want to choose me. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have just assumed-"

And then Jag cut off Jaina's words as he leaned down and captured her lips with his, his arms wrapping around her waist and pulling her closer. As Jaina wrapped her arms around his neck she felt his disbelief turn to elation. She smiled into the kiss as Jag seemed to pour all his love through their physical connection. Eventually, they broke apart, though Jag still held her close his forehead touching hers, unwilling to completely let her go.

"So does that mean you're choosing me?" Jaina asked teasingly, her voice still a little breathless.

"Always," Jag answered, his tone holding none of her flippancy, as his gaze bore into hers.

And Jaina knew at that moment that he meant it. He would always choose her. With that realization, Jaina finally felt complete. In a way that she had not felt since she had lost Anakin and Jacen. Maybe even before that.

"So what do we do now?" Jaina asked seriously.

"Now," Jag said, as he placed gentle kisses down her neck. "We do what you rebels are always preaching, and live for the moment. After all, I'm about to become a rebel myself so I could use the practice."

"Hmm," Jaina answered as his kisses moved lower. "I think I'm going to like rebel Jag. But can you keep the uniform? I actually kind of like it. Just don't tell my dad."

"Please don't mention your father right now," Jag answered against her lips. "You're killing the moment."

"I think I can manage that," Jaina answered, kissing him deeply. All thoughts of Han Solo, or anyone else for that matter, fading into the distance until it was just the two of them.

And then she giggled as Jag lifted her from her feet and carried her to his bed. More than happy to help him embrace this particular rebel mantra.


End file.
